five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This can only be settled by a dance off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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