I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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