I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
