Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
