She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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