nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
