I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
