Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
