I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
