What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
