Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
