It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
