i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she told me i tasted like america
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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