The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
