I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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