maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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