So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
