My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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