There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
