he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
