Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
