all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
