I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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