so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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