Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
