The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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