I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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