Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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