just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
