is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
