please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
