I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
