Don't you send me to vm
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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