I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
North Korea, Best Korea!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
