Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
