GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize