The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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