is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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