There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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