I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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