Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
