So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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