idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize