I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
