My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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