Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
