You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
