a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
