Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
