If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
