he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
