Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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