it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize