Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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