Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
