What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And then my night got REAL pukey
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
