I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
