Someone shit on the floor
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
