I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
