Pants 0. Shit 1.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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