I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
