I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
