grandma shit on top of the toilet
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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