ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and she was petting her beer can
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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