1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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