Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
