I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
