i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
