I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
