I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
